sand.

Our day started with Kensie smacking Mike in the face...hard...to wake him up.  It went downhill from there.  Screaming, crying, fighting, repeat...Again and again until my head was about to explode.  So I made them all get dressed, even the 12 year old who wants to do nothing but sit in a bathrobe reading a fantasy novel day in and day out, and I took them to the beach in Del Mar.

Kensie hasn't spent much time at the beach in her lifetime, and she wasn't sure what to think about the sand in her socks and sandals.

It didn't take long to lose a sandal...and the bad attitude.  Who can stay cranky with a diaper full of sand and the sun shining on their nose?

The kids "built" a sand playground complete with slides and chairs, and they want to know if we can go back tomorrow.  I think I'll order sand toys and bathing suits for the store sooner rather than later and make sure we keep those smiles coming. 

I really don't think there's any problem in the world you won't feel better about after spending some time with sand in your toes, sun in your eyes, and waves crashing in your ears.

treasures.

This "lucky mama" necklace by Beth Quinn Designs is one of my favorite products in Baby Vie right now.  Since I loved it so much, it became my Valentine's gift from my family.  For me, it's reminiscent of all the times I've hugged Dylie close and told him "I am such a lucky mom."  Or the sweet afternoons when I pick Jack up from kindergarten, and as he hugs his face into my knee, I say (and mean) "I'm so lucky to be your mom."  When I find things like this for the store, my sincerest hope is that they will make someone else light up with recognition of something that makes them happy.  A person.  A dream.  A memory.  A love.  Not just a necklace or a bracelet or a platter anymore, it becomes a symbol and a souvenir of happiness, and I love being a part of that journey and that joy.

Spend some time in Baby Vie when you have a chance...Spend time reading the inscriptions on the bracelet cuffs, sniff the candles, stroke the blankets.  Somewhere in the nooks and crannies, wooden crates and seagrass baskets, I hope you find a something you will treasure and enjoy as much as I love my necklace.

try.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day...A day to celebrate romantic love for most, but for our large family, it's also become an opportunity to celebrate family love.  Instead of my husband and I going out alone for a romantic dinner, we decorate the kitchen table, cook a "special" dinner, and dig up any dishes that have hearts on them to serve up that meal on.  Lately, our 6 year old, Jack has been grabbing cooking magazines off the racks every holiday season saying "We should try to make these Mom!"  As he helped me pick out Valentine's and boxes of chocolates, he spotted a Martha Stewart Living magazine with beautiful pink  heart cookies on the cover and said "Hey mom!"  We bought the magazine and all the ingredients we would need for these sweet desserts, and late yesterday afternoon, I headed to the kitchen to start preparing our family feast. 

Jack played in the living room.  "Jack, I'm starting the cookies.  Do you want to come help?"  Jack played.  I beat butter and sugar, rolled dough between sheets of parchment paper, chilled, rolled again, and finally hand cut the dough into hearts (because I had not been able to find heart shaped cookie cutters during my many hour frantic search through San Diego which consumed my entire morning).  Several times, I called out "Jack, do you want to help make these cookies?"  Jack played.

I forgot the pink cookies in the oven, and they burned.  The chocolate cookie recipe was dry, and I felt like I was trying to convince sand to become a malleable ball of cookie dough.  It was 8:30 before I was finally mixing the cookie filling (which was just frosting, and I could have bought that pre-made if I had realized!!).  Then, the moment of truth...I served the family the cookies that took me half a day to make for them.  And I will emphasize ME because except for the brief moment he came in to play with the roller, Jack did not have any interest in helping me make those cookies.

Nobody liked the cookies.  Including me.  They were hard.  They were burned.  The frosted filling was grainy, and the ingredients weren't nearly as tasty as Oreos or store bought sugar cookies.  Still clinging to the hope that baking will engage Jack and give me a little helper some day, I say "That's OK.  We can try new recipes for the next holiday."  Jack says "Yep.  But you don't have to wait to try new recipes.  We can try those any time we want."

It struck me...Jack thinks he's gifting me with an opportunity to cook for him.  To try new things.  He thinks I'm having fun, and he's suggesting that I have fun more often.  Why wait for the holidays to try new things?  Why wait until the next holiday to say "I love you?" or plan a special dinner or decorate the house? 

Sleepless night, busy days, juggling work with babies with romance with home repairs...The load a parent carries seems to get heavier and heavier as time goes on and children grow bigger and busier.  Faster than we imagine they will, the days of innocence fly by, and our precious babies who see possibilities and celebrations in every day grow into responsible adults like us.

Thank you Jack for reminding me to love and celebrate and try new things because I can.  Because the possibilities exist.  Not because the calendar says it's a holiday, but because I am alive and well and have the beautiful opportunity to raise amazing children.

give.

Somewhere in Escondido, there's a house called Hidden Valley House where victims of domestic and sexual violence can go when they flee their abuser.  Sometimes, they're alone.  Often, they have children in tow.  They may only own the clothing they're wearing, and their children may not have a clean diaper to change into.  They are safe.  They are brave.  They are in need.  In our neighborhood, there's an auxiliary that tries to help raise funds and supplies for the Hidden Valley House, and Baby Vie is a collection spot for donations. 

 

A couple days ago, the auxiliary representative came in to collect a box of donated baby and maternity clothes, and she mentioned that last week a very pregnant woman came into the house with nothing at all for herself or her baby.  At a time when most moms have the luxury of living in a safe home where they're putting the final touches on their nursery decor, this brave mother found herself in temporary housing with no clothes, no diaper bag, no diapers...And I cannot imagine that.  This lady I've never met would not leave my heart all week. 

 

I am one person.  One person of no significant wealth or fame or clout in the world.  I own a tiny store that hides in the corner of a small strip mall.  Most people don't even know we're there.  But I believe that I can make a difference in the world.  Can I change the whole world?  Who knows.  The odds are not in my favor.  I can change some things though, and I try often...try hard and try often to change some things.  Owning the store gives me a bigger voice and a larger audience than I would normally have, and I do use Baby Vie to raise money for childhood cancer research, to collect baby clothes for Gently Hugged, and to garner support and donations for Hidden Valley House. 

 

As we head into the holiday season, my heart aches knowing that people will continue to arrive in Hidden Valley House regardless of the date on the calendar.  Children will be poor and scared instead of wonder filled and spoiled on Christmas morning.  So during our Holiday Kickoff Happy Hour on Friday from 4:00-7:00 p.m., we will be collecting donations for the Hidden Valley House.  Every person who donates will receive a raffle ticket.  They can use that ticket to "bid" on the prize they want to win, and the raffle prizes are great!  Many local businesses like Yanni's Bistro, Brueggers Bagels, Ultralux and more have donated generously.  I hope our donors are generous and go home happy whether from raffle winnings, fun with Christmas carols, strong cocktails, or the joy of giving.  And I really hope that collectively, a group of smallish someones from a little corner store make a difference in the lives of the brave, scared, hopeful people who are relying on us and others like us to be there when they need us.   

 

I read a quote from E.B. White today:  "I get up every morning determined both to change the world and to have one hell of a good time.  Sometimes this makes planning the day difficult."  Let's make our Happy Hour a successful marriage between changing the world and having a hell of a good time!   

online.

I am beyond excited to announce that you may now shop for Baby Vie products ONLINE!!  You will even find many items in our "Baby Vie Online Boutique" that are exclusively online!!  Now, when you see something you like at Baby Vie, you can ask your aunt in Minnesota or your mom in New York to buy it for you!!  It's also a great way for you to choose great gifts for loved ones and have them shipped to them from the comfort of your sofa!  Go to our Facebook page HERE and check out the red "Shop Here" icon.  It takes you right to our store.  Or go to the Baby Vie Online Boutique by CLICKING HERE.

"bootiful?"

You've heard it a million times...or more.  Our society is overly focused on appearance and encourages young girls to appear emaciated and over sexualized.  You don't need to look any further than the Disney Channel or the magazines in your grocery check out aisle to see what the gold standard of beauty is in America...thin, tanned, and air brushed.  No girl who occurs in nature will ever look like that cover model, but our girls buy make up and hair products and fry their skin in tanning beds trying...And they continue to feel inadequate.  But this part of the story...the part where we blame our daughters' eating disorders on someone else or society at large...is not the whole story.

As an eating disorder survivor, I think I know a few things...
#1)  Eating disorders are not limited to girls.  Sometimes, boys have eating disorders and self esteem issues, too. 
#2)  Eating disorders and self esteem problems do come hand in hand. 
#3)  Eating disorders and self esteem issues are not caused by reading Cosmo in the check out aisle.  Our society's fascination with weight and appearance gives an already anxious child who feels badly about themselves something else to feel bad about and possibly gives them the idea to use weight loss as a tool help them gain control over a life that feels like it's spinning out of control or already feels like a sad, lonely disppointment.

There's some speculation about the exact causes of eating disorders, and sexual abuse is one of the life events believed to often be a prelude to eating disorders.  I'm sure many victims of eating disorders were sexually abused...and physically abused...and emotionally abused...and neglected...Something happens, or doesn't happen, in their very young years that makes them feel they are not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough.

PLEASE celebrate your child...boy or girl...fat or thin...smart or dumb...gay or straight.  Find something in that child that makes your heart happy, that makes them special and unique, that makes you glad they are alive and in your life.  Then celebrate that.  Celebrate them.  Every day.  TELL your children, out loud, often, that they are beautiful to you...that they are strong...that they are your wonderful gift...that you are grateful for the miracle of their existence...that they are enough.  Don't stop telling them--ever.  Show them, too.  Hugs, kisses, smiles, photos.  Love.  Encouragement.   I am not a trained psychologist, but I truly believe that if a child is valued and loved and accepted just the way they are from the time they arrive on this earth, they will not have low self esteem.  They will not be highly susceptible to self destructive behavior including eating disorders, drug addictions, selecting abusive partners, or any of those wonderful things those of us with issues do.  I believe that a child who feels wonderful about what a fantastic person she is will not feel the urge to binge and purge just because the air brushed model on the cover of a magazine stares at her in the check out aisle. 

Unfortunately, even at this rather advance age, I spend way too much time running negative scripts in my head that say things like "I'm fat."  "I'm ugly."  "I don't know what I'm doing."  "I'm not as good as..."  Going to a cocktail party in a dress I felt terrible in the other night with a bunch of young, skinny, beautiful, well dressed women was a great opportunity for me to run those self depricating words through my heart and head over and over.  I felt truly awful about myself by the time I got home.  But then, my healers spoke...Who knew I would give birth to my biggest fans and best healers?  As I kissed 2 year old Dylan good night in bed, he told me "You bootiful mama."  Then 5 year old Jack, after realizing I came home with a raffle prize, asked me "Did you win your prize for being the prettiest girl there?"  As I basked in the glow of love and praise, I turned off the negative bitch who had been telling me all night that I was ugly and fat and not good enough.

Don't make your kids wait for their own kids to heal them.  Don't break them to begin with.  Love.  Praise.  Celebrate.  Don't ever let that negative bitch with her ugly scripts ever take up residence in your child!  Someday, you might realize that not only did you raise a confident, healthy child, but you also have a really great friend.   

hitting.

Ever since I witnessed something in Baby Vie yesterday, it's been weighing very heavily on my heart...Should I have said something?  Should I say something now?  What is my place?  How appropriate is it to assert my opinion and values?  Every parent wants, craves, and deserves autonomy in parenting.  Respect as a parent--from their child and from others.  Every single parent has a different heart, different priorities, different goals, different desires, different values...Even in the same family, no two parents are alike.  I respect our right as parents to be different from one another.  I respect other parents' prerogative to raise their children in the best way they see fit (within legal boundaries of course).

BUT...and isn't that where the most important statement is always made--after the but...I don't like hitting.  I especially don't like adults hitting children.  I know a lot of people believe that if you spare the rod you'll spoil the child and all that, but I don't like it. 

Yesterday, a mother brought her daughter, about 4 or 5 years old, to Story Time.  Presumably, the mother brought her daughter to have an enjoyable morning listening to stories and having some fun.  Trust me, I have seen some AWFUL children in my store.  Children come in who scream, throw, kick, break, run in and out the door...Not that my story would be made better by her bad behavior, but my story seems stranger because of her good behavior.  This little girl stood quietly by her mother...from what I could tell, not touching a thing or saying a word.  She must have done something the mother didn't like though because the mother whacked her across the back.   Not her bottom.  Not her hand.  Her back.  And looked at her like she couldn't stand her as she reprimanded for whatever happened.  The little girl continued standing there quietly while wringing her hands.  The mother smacked her hands and said something else hateful.  The girl stopped moving.

Hitting that stops short of being deemed abusive is legal in the USA.  CPS would not be interested in my story.  But it made my heart hurt.  It made my stomach turn.  It made me wonder how that child is treated when they're not in public.

Baby Vie is my store.  I don't like hitting.  I don't hit.  I especially don't hit children.  I cannot change your opinion about hitting or spanking or whatever you want to call corporal punishment of children.  You may agree with me;  you may not.  I don't wish to debate with you.  No words you will ever say to me will change the way I feel about this topic.  But since Baby Vie is mine, I get to make the rules there.  My official rule on hitting:  Do not hit anybody in Baby Vie.  If you disobey this rule, you are subject to scrutiny, comment and possibly removal from the store by myself and/or other members of the Baby Vie team.

To wrap up my rant, I would like to say that if you, as an adult, were to hit anybody other than your child, you could be brought up on assault and battery charges.  I would personally rather gain respect than fear.  Those children are not our property.  They are human beings who will choose our nursing homes someday.  Think your decisions through thoughtfully and lovingly.