good.

Jeff Marx is shaving his head today to raise funds for Rady Children's Hospital.  Click HERE to see the Be Brave and Shave fundraising page in Nick's honor

And these little ones are what kept me in bed a little late today...

tears.

Whether they sing or twirl or just stand there and stare out at the audience...Whether they do the steps perfectly or miss a cue...My kids make me cry with love and pride every time they step up to perform.

We almost forgot about the preschool Mother's Day program this year.  Jack and I skidded into a parking space and ran up to the picnic area as we realized all those moms were gathered in the yard for "Muffins for Moms."  He was able to line up and sing his songs to me.  I took this photo as he and his friend took turns pointing to us moms and saying "That's my mom!"  I hope he always says that with the same pride he has right now!

Last night, Krissy, being a big 5th grader this year, got to star in her school's Spring Sing.  She was so nervous about her solos and remembering her lines.  And she made me cry.  The whole thing made me cry...All those fresh spirits laying it all out for their audience, trying their hardest... missing notes on their recorders and forgetting the words to the songs yet keeping each of their parents' eyes and hearts wholly engaged and entranced by their performance. 

Thank you schools for giving us these performances...these moments really are some of the best rewards of parenthood.

dragons.

Do you remember when dragons were real?  I remember listening to Puff the Magic Dragon over and over and being SO sad for the poor left behind dragon...In 2 year old Dylan's world, dragons are very real.  Every night, he grabs 2 (foam) swords.  One for dad and one for Dylan.  Then they head outside to hunt dragons.  Of course, if there are any dragons out there, they would hear his Wee Squeek shoes from miles away, but that thought hasn't crept into Dylan's warrior brain yet.  I wish these innocent days never slipped away from us...

gifts.

Jack made me the most beautiful paper hat.  And he wrote a book for me about how the Three Muskateers (Jack, Nick, and Dylan) slayed dragons and other monsters to save the "beautiful princess," me!!

Nick.  He may have refused to help his father go shopping.  He may have slept through the breakfast preparations...But fought so hard all year, and he was here, with me, this Mother's Day.  That is such a precious gift.

Guess which little 10 month old learned how to squawk "mama!!  Maaaaa!!  Mama!!' today?  Thank you Kensie for that on Mother's Day!

flowers.

Dylan and Jack will never fully appreciate how much joy their handpicked flowers bring me.  I love that they love me enough to stop and pick the flowers when they're on walks or playing in the backyard.  Dylan was even on the hunt at church on Easter.  He shouted "Flowers for mama!" when he saw a huge bouquet in a large vase onstage.  Today was a very stressful day...both high highs and low lows...and it was all set right when Jack and Dylan ran in with their orange poppies and yellow with red flowers that are "just right for Christmas..."  It's the little things from little people that really do mean the most sometimes...

And Dylan, honey, you made my day when I walked in from work and you hugged me and said "Your dress is pretty mom!  It has shapes!"  I really didn't feel pretty until you saw me that way...

monday.

Too busy to eat (which never happens to me!) kind of week...

We're getting so many beautiful things in the store this week in preparation of Mother's Day shoppers, and it just feels like Christmas every time a box of inventory arrives!  Look how great these Petunia Picklebottom diaper bags are!  You can't even tell most of them are diaper bags, and I really want one for myself...or three...or all of them...I just can't decide which one I should shoplift from myself!!

And we have so many more, too!!  My youngest is almost a year old.  I know I don't really need any more diaper bags.  These are just so delicious!

Another bright spot today?  Little Dylie..."Hi Dylan.  Do you want to sit with me."  "Me Baby Cakes."  Oops!  I might have overused that nickname a little bit :)

And Callie who warmed the bench for her lacrosse teammates for most of her first season of lacrosse in high school...She was played tonight and scored her first goal ever!  I was there, and my eyes welled with tears.  Why do moms cry when they're proud of their kids?  Well, maybe not all moms...but I do.  I literally cry all the way through dance recitals.  No matter how terrible they are dancing to "Animal Crackers," I cry.  Soccer games.  Piano recitals.  Graduations.  I'll need a whole box of tissue when Cory reads her salutatorian speech at high school graduation.

I'm wondering about something before I finally wrap up this long day...Mike and I have been noticing that people are nicer to Kensie when she is dressed nicely and wears hair clips and headbands.  It sounds so silly.  Babies are always cute, right?  But she alwsys seems to be a little cuter in everyone's eyes when she's dolled up.  Mike thinks I need to make it an advertising campaign for the store...Shop at [big box store], have plain, boring child.  Shop at Baby Vie, have Glamour Child everyone will love!!!  Are we crazy, or does it work for babies the way it works for the rest of us?  The better groomed, better dressed people are perceived as, well, better somehow?!

9 Roads To Crazy

My first blog is titled 9 Roads To Crazy.  Click HERE to read 9 Roads to Crazy blog  I still post there, so check it out, too!  It's a little more intense than I intend to get here and will give you a much more intimate version of Nick's battle with cancer and how it's affected me and our entire family.

vie.

Almost 20 years ago, I took a pregnancy test...and it was negative.  So I took another...negative.  And about 30 more at the doctor and at home...negative.  I finally called in sick to work, drove to a Planned Parenthood, and peed on their stick...positive.  Finally, concrete confirmation of what I already knew.  I was expecting my first baby, and I ran straight to the nearest pay phone, at a Carl's Jr., to tell the man I had married only a month before that he was going to be a father.  That baby, Katie, was born 9 months and 1 day after our wedding...Thus begun our "Baby Vie." 

Vie is prounounced "vee," and it means "life" in French.  Baby Vie means "baby life..." the life that is born the moment that second line appears on the pregnancy test.  Once your baby life begins, you never think only of yourself again.  You think about how every decision you make will affect not only your life but your child's as well.  You don't drink vodka because it might hurt your unborn.  Your spare bedroom is painted in pastels and filled with a crib and changing table.  Diapers begin littering every corner of your world, and undescribable love fills every cell of your heart.    
All I ever wanted growing up was to have children.  Even though loving these children has brought some heartache and frustration along the way, I have to say that my life has been fuller and more blessed than I could have imagined as I dreamed it up in my head as a child.
As the clock races faster and faster every day, I hope I can capture some moments here...I can't stop them from fleeting by, but maybe I can go back and recapture glimpses of them here sometimes.  I hope you enjoy the journey with us.

                                                      June 19, 2011 Kensie Rose's arrival

                                                  The Swafford Family December 2011